First
Know them.
What they care about, and what backing your client would risk for them. Good marketing starts here anyway.
Free white paper · For coaches of solo and small business owners
Know, like, trust is the wrong way round
Every networking meeting says it: get known, get liked, and trust will follow. All three are about the owner. Turn it round, and nobody leaves a session with only a good intention.
Turn it round
Know them first
Being known gets your client the conversation. Being liked keeps it friendly. Neither decides whether someone will rely on them. The other person decides that, from what your client does next.
Then
Do what you said.
In a way that shows your client can handle it. This is where trust comes from: confidence, not warmth.
Often after
They like you.
People warm to someone they can rely on. Liking someone doesn't make them reliable.
Trust Leader definition Trust is someone's confidence in you with something they care about.
The promise
Nobody should leave a session with only a good intention
Insight happens in the session. Change happens when your client acts differently in their business. So every client leaves with three things. Some attempts will go badly, and that is useful if the next session asks what happened.
Every client leaves with
One named person.
Someone their business needs: a supplier, a first customer, a partner, a first hire.
Every client leaves with
One thing to do differently, in a real moment.
The next call, quote or meeting. Not "when the chance comes up".
Every client leaves with
The response they would expect.
What that person would do differently if it works. Something to look for.
A good intention: a fictional example
A client has left her job to start a business helping local food producers stop using plastic packaging. She needs a manufacturer who will make small runs. She met one at a networking breakfast. He knows her and he likes her. In the session she decides to "follow him up". Over the next month he takes ten days to reply and quotes his standard minimum order, far more than she can sell yet.
Known and liked, and still no small run. The session produced real insight. It didn't produce a moment, a behaviour or anything to look for.
We identify behaviours, we manage patterns. One response proves nothing. A pattern across similar moments is the evidence that someone sees your client differently.
Start with the Manifesto
Clarity first. Then the people it depends on.
In first sessions, the free Manifesto canvas puts your client's aim, beliefs, motivation, Why and values on one page: what they want to do, with who, and why. Its last box asks "Who do I need, and why would they want to?" That box is where this paper starts.
In a coaching conversation
From the Manifesto into real work
The Manifesto gives the work its purpose. The four stages of the Trust Journey carry it into the business between sessions and back again.
- StartGoal
The Manifesto: what they want to do, with who, and why.
- Stage 1Identify
"Who do I need, and why would they want to?"
- Stage 2Design
"If you do this, what would you expect them to do differently?"
- Stage 3Practise
Use it in a real moment before the next session.
- Stage 4Reflect
"What did you do, and what did they do?"
Which question would they hesitate over?
In Identify, ask your client to answer these as the other person would. Being liked rarely answers questions 2 and 3, and that is often where the order waits. The one they would hesitate over points to the behaviour worth practising. Here, I is your client and they is the person their business needs.
The five Trust Questions
- 01
Do they believe what I say?
If they would hesitate. Say less and show more. Send the evidence, not the pitch.
- 02
Do they believe I'll do what I said?
If they would hesitate. Make one small promise and keep it, on time.
- 03
Do they believe I can handle what's needed?
If they would hesitate. Show what is already in place: volumes, a plan, who else is on board. This was the manufacturer's question.
- 04
Do they feel I really understand them?
If they would hesitate. Know them first. Ask what they need from it before saying what your client needs.
- 05
Do they believe I act with their interests in mind?
If they would hesitate. Say what is in it for them, and what your client will do if it goes wrong.
What people do
Six actions that stop good intentions staying intentions
None needs new software. Each is something a named person does, and someone else can see.
Coach
1 Open with the person.
Go to the Manifesto's last box:
Who do I need, and why would they want to? What would they be risking by backing me?
Coach
2 End with an expected response.
Before the session closes, ask:
If you do this, what would you expect them to do differently?
Write down the person, the behaviour, the moment and the response.Coach
3 Start the next session with what happened.
Ask
What did you do, and what did they do?
before "How did it go?"Client
4 Use it in a real moment before the next session.
The next call, quote or meeting. Not "when the chance comes up".
Client
5 Watch what the other person does next, and keep their words.
What they did is the evidence. How it felt is useful, but it isn't the same thing.
Client
6 Ask them, where it fits.
What would you need to see from me to make this worth it for you?
It shows what they still need to see.
"My clients are busy running everything." They are. So the ask is small: one person, one moment, one response to look for. About ten minutes of the session.
How you know it is working
Change is a chain. Check each link.
Your client gets a real chance. They act differently. The other person responds. The business moves. Three counts, each with a clear next step, tell you which link broke.
1 The named-person count: does each client know who, and what to look for?
When: at the end of each session, across your current clients.
The person? The behaviour? The moment? The response?
Count: how many clients left with all four written down. For example, 5 of 8.
Next step: three clients left with a good intention. Open their next session with "Who do I need, and why would they want to?"
2 The "what did they do" count: did they act, and did anything happen?
When: at every session opening over a month, across your current clients.
"What did you do, and what did they do?"
Count: how many openings start with what your client did and what the other person did next. For example, 4 of 9.
Next step: ask about the other five: "What got in the way?" No chance (the call was cancelled, the work changed) means agree a new moment. Got stuck means make it smaller, and rehearse the first sentence in the session.
3 The pattern check: is the expected response appearing?
When: across the next three real moments with the same person. Your client notes each one as it happens.
Did their behaviour change? Did it move the business?
Count: how often the expected response appeared. For example, he replied in 10 days, then 4, then 2, and went from his standard minimum to offering a trial run.
Next step: if their behaviour didn't change, check the behaviour fits what this person needs. If the relationship moved but the business didn't, something else is in the way: cash, pricing or timing. That shows your client where to act next.
What the client sees
"Over six weeks she changed how she worked with the manufacturer. He now replies within days and has offered a trial run. Her first three producers have agreed to order. A local grant also helped."
Four things kept apart: what the client did, what the other person did, what difference it made to the business, and what else helped. If a funded programme pays for the coaching, agree at the start, with the client, what it will see. Fictional example.
These are practical counts for improving coaching, not validated assessment measures. Keep the numbers, not just the impression.
Illustration · fictional data, not a client result
The Manifesto, the person, the response
What the same work looks like in the Hub, using the fictional packaging business. The digital Manifesto is for Practitioners and their clients. The Trust Map and Reflection are in the free trial too.
My Manifesto
Shared with my coach: 2 of 3 boxes
What do I want to achieve?
Help local food producers stop using plastic packaging.
Shared
What is my Why?
I watched my parents' farm shop drown in packaging it couldn't afford to change.
Only me
Who do I need, and why would they want to?
A manufacturer who will make small runs. Steady orders in his quiet months.
Shared
You and the manufacturer
Scored 1 (rarely) to 5 (consistently)
What you need from them
Small runs at a price she can sell at.
Biggest gap
Capability: can she handle the volume?
Reflection
How useful was this activity?
★★★★★
When you showed him the agreed volumes, what did he do next?
"He replied in two days and offered a trial run of 500."
Anything else you noticed? · Optional
He asked about next spring. First time he's looked ahead.
Who can see this?
Only meShare with my coach
Start with yourself
From yourself to your clients
Try it on your own relationship
- Map one of your own working relationships
- Choose one Behaviour Playlist and work through it yourself
- Reflect on what changed, and re-score your Trust Map after 14 days
Use it with your clients
- Assign Purpose playlists that fill your client's digital Manifesto
- See the boxes they choose to share; they can switch sharing off at any time
- Assign Behaviour Playlists for the people their business needs
Start with one relationship of your own
Free for 28 days. Or read the full white paper: why know, like, trust is the wrong way round, six actions, three checks a coach can run alone, and a worked example.
Trust Telegraph
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Examples on this page are fictional. Hub screens are illustrations. "Know, like, trust" is a common saying; the reversed order is Trust Leader's view, not a research finding. Trust Leader makes no claim of demonstrated results.